Thinking about Loss #SOL26

I sat for about 15 minutes this morning trying to figure out what to write; finally, I put pen to paper and wrote about that.  I ended up playing with the idea of loss.

I am at a loss
as to what to write-

I'm sure I could write

about the loss

of a dear friend,

but I'm afraid 

that those words 

would cause me to lose

my compousre

when I need to 

hold it together, 

so I don't lose 

it in front of my students,

but I'm somewhat lost

without her-

my compass, my "sister,"

the light for those,

like me, who have lost

their way, their purpose.  

Letting Go #SOL26

I am trying to let go today.  I need to because I can feel the weight in my chest.  I hold on to many things: worry, decisions, overwhelm, the past. You name it; I tend to carry it.

However, the holding has me stuck in some quick sand today, and I am finding it difficult to move. I think it might be easier to just stay, but I open my blog, and with each key stroke I am determined to release some of the weight.

First, I am letting go of the decision of participating in the SOL challenge. I am writing.

Second, I need to let go of the worry I feel about my daughter who lives far away.  I text her, and when she does not respond for a while, I think something is wrong.  It is like second nature.  My mind thinks of every possible thing that could be wrong, so I am writing.

Third, I need to let go of how overwhelmed I am with work and the feeling that I should be working all the time.  Instead, I am writing.

Lastly, and probably the hardest, I need to let go of a dear friend who passed away due to ALS a few days ago.  I have not come to terms with the fact that she is gone. And so, as I write this, I know this is my first step to acceptance and what she would want me to do - move forward one step at a time.  

And with each word comes a deep breath, and with each exhale another thought. I don't need to hold it all in; I let it go on a page.

Redefining Summer #SOL

Last week was the first full week of summer, and I was struggling.  I wrote a slice titled "Haunted Summer."  I mention that because that will be my inspiration for my slices this summer.  I have decided that I really need to change my mindset about summer, and so I am redefining what summer means to me.

Here is the post from last week.

Summer used to mean...

time with the kids,

a pool full of children,

family night swims,

family game night-

anything with at least 3 people.

Now, summer means....

quiet and slow

time alone

echos and 

visions of 

hula hooping,

a chalk-filled driveway,

aerials across the front yard,

constant splashing in the pool, 

fire pits and s'mores, 

flying soccer balls,

ghosts of the past.

I am haunted 

everywhere I turn, 

and summer's

meaning has changed.

Below is this week's post, a slice of my current summer.  

Water Aerobics

We convene in the pool to move our 9

bodies, sing at the top of our 8

lungs, and talk about our lives. 7

Some days there are only 6

two of us, others 5

up to six gals. 4

Therapy

for our

souls.

I wonder how I will define summer in August.

Haunted Summer 2025 #SOL

Summer used to mean...

time with the kids,

a pool full of children,

family night swims,

family game night-

anything with at least 3 people.

Now, summer means....

quiet and slow

time alone

echos and 

visions of 

hula hooping,

a chalk-filled driveway,

aerials across the front yard,

constant splashing in the pool, 

fire pits and s'mores, 

flying soccer balls,

ghosts of the past.

I am haunted 

everywhere I turn, 

and summer's

meaning has changed.

Gratitude on This Last Day #SOLSC25

Giving and 

Receiving comments on the slices of our lives

Are at the crux of 

This community of writers.

Ever supportive and inspirational, I 

Feel myself growing in confidence as we

Unite in our 

Love for sharing our lives through the written word.

Slices of Me #SOLSC25

 Every year, I try to do something with the word slice.  I have reviewed my first slices of each challenge, written an acrostic poem, and written poetry about the community.  As I was driving earlier today, I was thinking about the slices of me.  

I first started writing it as a poem because poetry is my jam.  Then I had an idea because I am that visual learner - a pie chart.  

I entered all of my ideas into a Google sheet thinking I could make a pie chart there, but that did not work out.

I then decided to take my text from the spreadsheet and put it into Chat GPT.  That created table and even attributed percentages to it.  I am not sure how it determined the percentage, but I left it as is.  

Finally, with my approval, it created a pie chart.  

I wanted to reflect the slices of who I am on a daily basis - the roles I play on any given day.  

Going to the Slice of Life Music Festival #SOLSC25

 Earlier in the month, Leigh Anne invited us all to a Slice of Life Music Festival.  It has taken me some time to figure out what songs I want to bring, and I am even making some last minute switches as I type.

"Fields of Gold" by Sting

This song always reminds me of the early days of my relationship with my husband.  The summer and fall after we met, we would prepare a picnic and find a waterfall to spend the day.  We would hike and then find a spot in a field near the parking lot to have our lunch.  We loved being near the falling water and sitting in the sunshine.  We would spend Friday evening scouring cookbooks for some unusual salads to make for our outing.

"Make You Feel My Love" by Adele

This song always reminds me of my daughter's dance competitions and never fails to bring tears to my eyes.  This was one of her solo songs, and she wore a very simple yet stunning two piece red costume.   This was the competition where she won the title and was called up on the stage for a "sit down" session with the judge during which he gave her fabulous feedback.

"For Good" by Indina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth

This song reminds me of my friends. They have helped and supported me through some of my fears and lowest points.  In particular, it reminds me of our Cape weekend when we ordered our dinner from the wrong Basil Thai restaurant in Virginia, watched a weird assortment of movies from Bad Moms to The Revenant, walking the beach, and talking for hours.

444 in the Morning #SOLSC25

I have seen a prompt a few times throughout the month called 444 - write for 4 minutes about 4 things within a 4 foot radius.  I would love to do this at different times of the day, but I chose to write during my morning writing routine.

Morning Writing

With my breakfast ready -
a ham, egg, and cheese sandwich and a banana -
I log into Zoom 
to write with my friends.

After a few minutes, 

I look up to see

heads down on the computer

and their imagined hands

writing across their

notebook pages.

My planner sits closed

and ready to start the day with me,

knowing it has the important job

of reminding me 

of all the important things

I need to do.

My new Sharpie highlighters

stand at attention waiting for the 

inevitable time

to unravel my new curriculum

later in the evening

Places I Hide #SOLSC25

My writing group's Personal Journaling workshop had me thinking about hiding places.  It took me to two different places: one being a literal hiding place and the other a more figurative one.  I can see myself coming back to this prompt and thinking about this in a more abstract way, but for now, I reminisce back to my childhood.  Both seemed to beg to be poems.

Hiding Amongst Words

Let me get lost

in words

between the covers

of a book.

Let my mind 

hide in other worlds,

in other people's 

problems.

I seem to be

the happiest

in stories where

I can root and cry

for others

instead of myself.

On the Edge

We played

hide and seek

in a suburban neighborhood

on the verge of the woods.

We might hide

on the edges

behind some trees,

not too deep, though.

I think we 

were afraid 

of being found 

by something 

on the other side.

Some Bad Habits Are Joyful #SOLSC25

I attended a Personal Journaling workshop with my TeachWrite writing group last night and enjoyed the writing prompts that allowed me to explore myself.  

The first prompt allowed me to share something I do every morning: hit the snooze button.  

Prompt:  Describe one of your bad habits and why you secretly get joy out of it.

Response:  

Yes!  I am guilty
of hitting the snooze button 
too many times.  

I don't fall back to sleep, 

and it makes me a bit late 

to my morning writing group, 

BUT 

it gives me the time 

to stretch my body 

under my warm comforter 

and to keep my eyes closed 

to enjoy the silence 

of the morning 

without thoughts fluttering 

around in my head 

BEFORE 

I head into school 

to become over-sensitized  

by the comings and goings 

of the children 

in and out of my classroom.  

I'm okay 

with prolonging 

the time 

to be 

still, 

alone, 

and at peace.

😴

Messing with My Heart #SOLSC25

 I don't receive calls from my children often unless there is something wrong.  That is in large part because I call or text them quite often, maybe too often.

So, when I saw the call come in from my Cam while I was talking to Ashley, I immediately told her I would call her back.

I am always worried about the kids.  Last month, Ashley got into a car accident in Wisconsin.  It is so hard being so far away.  My head automatically thought something was wrong when he called me.  I could physically feel my body bracing for bad news.

I picked up the call from Cam, and he said, "Mom, do you have some money to bail me out of jail?"

My heart started to pound, and I yelled, "Cam, what the _____ did you do?" 

He started to laugh and said, "I'm just kidding."

I replied, "Cam, you rarely call me, so I thought something was wrong, and I literally can feel my heart rate skyrocketing right now."

I don't think he felt bad; he likes to keep things light.  He is the kid who left me little sticky notes with the word "poop" on them all over his room when he left one weekend.  He knows how much I miss him, and there is a softness in his joking.

"Well, I was driving home from Katherine's and was thinking of you, so I decided to call to talk," he said.

My husband is away, and he knows that I tend to get sad when I have not seen him in a while.  He knows when I need a little something to pick me up.  I am not sure this is what my physical heart needed, but it was what my emotional heart needed.