I am trying to let go today. I need to because I can feel the weight in my chest. I hold on to many things: worry, decisions, overwhelm, the past. You name it; I tend to carry it.
However, the holding has me stuck in some quick sand today, and I am finding it difficult to move. I think it might be easier to just stay, but I open my blog, and with each key stroke I am determined to release some of the weight.
First, I am letting go of the decision of participating in the SOL challenge. I am writing.
Second, I need to let go of the worry I feel about my daughter who lives far away. I text her, and when she does not respond for a while, I think something is wrong. It is like second nature. My mind thinks of every possible thing that could be wrong, so I am writing.
Third, I need to let go of how overwhelmed I am with work and the feeling that I should be working all the time. Instead, I am writing.
Lastly, and probably the hardest, I need to let go of a dear friend who passed away due to ALS a few days ago. I have not come to terms with the fact that she is gone. And so, as I write this, I know this is my first step to acceptance and what she would want me to do - move forward one step at a time.
And with each word comes a deep breath, and with each exhale another thought. I don't need to hold it all in; I let it go on a page.
I am so sorry about your friend. I know this has weighed heavy on your heart for such a long time. My words of sympathy feel empty, but I am praying for you and her family. I wrote a post about worrying about my children. You might find some comfort there. Here is a link: https://adayinthelifeof19b.blogspot.com/2013/07/worry-lines.html
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are writing through all of this!
Heather,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to lose a friend.
I love your refrain of "I'm writing."
I, too, tend to hold on to thoughts and feelings, but I have found that writing poetry has helped me with grief in the past and even today as I ended up writing a poem that included memories of two friends who died recently and a friend and family member who died long ago. Thanks for the reminder of the power of writing. Peace, Sharon
Diane Anderson (newtreemom)
ReplyDeleteSorry for the loss of your friend.
Letting go is not easy. Letting our words go helps.